Opinion Australia

Saturday… what happened? Beats me. I know I took the youngest skating whilst the wife slept in… then we went shopping… came home… and?? No idea. Obviously we did *something* but I’ll have to ask her what that something actually was

I know I went to the Guide Hut to do some mowing at long last. While the wife went off to purchase some fish and chips I hacked into the overgrowth and then moved in with the mower to clear some space ready for Tuesday night’s meeting. I wasn’t able to finish as much as I’d have liked but at least left one side ready to be done and the other looking as though a mad axeman had been let loose on it.

We were three short for dinner… so I was able to totally undermine my diet by scoffing down *four* lare pieces of fish in batter… my own and the three others!! Total pig yes but it both tasted *and* felt good.

Sunday was a little more structured in that we knew what had to be done and where.

Basically we spent virtually all day from 7:45 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. selling hotdogs and cold drinks at a local hardware superstore. I’m not sure the takings reflected the effort put in but since the money raised will be earmarked for subsidising the costs of sending the girls to Jamboree next year it was well worth the time put in I think.

I was dressed as Santa for a large part of the day skipping around the car park encouraging people to come and buy. I’m not sure it helped sales but it used up a lot of the energy stored as a result of scoffing down the fish the previous night so that was useful.

All was well until the car battery failed. We’d left the CD player on to provide Xmas music from the CD’s we’d taken up but we’d forgotten to turn the ignition switch over and so used up all the power. When we tried to move the car to get it close to someone’s battery to jump start it because their battery was on the opposite side to ours… I hurt my back *again* and so aching all down both sides!!!

To round things off… I spent this morning humping the boxes of equipment out of the car into the Guide Hut… despite having a bad back… and then mowing the grass that I’d left the day before. I’m now sitting in some discomfort debating with myself about taking pain killers.

I think there is nothing to gain by *not* taking them and a lot to gain… so I’m off to drug myself  a little. Bye.

Off we go to the school’s Presentation Day where all the kids who’ve done something worth getting an award for… get… an award. Sadly I missed the schooling of my first two kids because of all sorts of factors so I’m making sure I get as much out of these two as I can. Isn’t going to make up for it of course… but it helps.

Anyway… we fronted up at 9:15 a.m. to drop off the kids as requested expecting to get in at 10:00 a.m. with no problems. Wrong again. The place was already heaving with children and parents littering the places like refugees on a Darwin beach! Naturally I started to rain. The others were dropped off and I went to park several fields away and trotted back in the rain as one does… when it’s raining. Of course I could have used my mothers card and parked in a Disabled space, pretending to be disabled myself… not something I do of course… often…. but I couldn’t as all the others had got there first. So I walked.

Eventually we got in, found a space, didn’t like it, and moved again. By then I’d already had an argument with the ‘attendant’ who  told us we were only allowed one programme per family and we couldn’t take photo. I took two programmes and said ok but used the video anyway. Gits!

So… we sat there quietly ripping to shreds the reputation of the school, the teachers, the pupils etc until of course our own little girl appeared on stage!! My eldest was awarded the Co-Curricular Award (again) for fully participating in the most additional extra activities. These range from flute, singing, and musicology to robocup and ‘veggie patch’ and many, many others! She was going for this in a big way all year so we expected her to get it… tho of course quite relieved when she did! However she *also* received the Music Award which again was due to her hard work and participation but was entirely unexpected.

She’s now moving up to High School next year so it’ll be a whole new ball game. For Junior School however the baton has been handed on to the youngest who is moving up to year three. We have hopes she’ll get her act together and do great things, but she is a great little ice skater so may well prefer to concentrate on that and leave the school to sort itself out. We’ll back her up to the hilt whatever of course… but it *is* nice to hear your kids name being called out on stage to receive and award… a couple of times!

In all fairness they’re both good girls and if all they get out of life is that they end up happy I’ll be more than happy myself. Still… it *is* nice that their efforts are rewarded

The house isn’t clean. The house isn’t tidy. Neither am I come to that… but all of us (and it) are as good as we’re going to get.

Kids are off to school despite having had yesterday off to visit the doctors because of sinusitis, sore throats and flu. They both have to clean out their desks and lockers ready for a move of classrooms since it’s the year end so even if they have to drag themselves in they have to go.

The wife is worst of all with the sort of flu *I* usually get. She is very rarely ill so when she complains it means she really *is* ill… and she’s been complaining vociferously which shows just how ill she is!! She’s got antibiotics etc but so far isn’t feeling too much improved. Yet she’s up and getting ready to go meet and greet the rellies at the airport. I bet *they’ll* be glad to catch this!

Strange I don’t have the lurgy… usually if something is going round I get it first and worst. Maybe it’s the diet… maybe it’s the gym… maybe it’s holding off so I can come down with it over Xmas (which is my favourite theory right now ).

Either way we’re done and done. The house and us are what we are so they can all take it or leave it.

Even before we got to the hotel things fell apart. Come on now… did you *honestly* expect anything else? Do things ever go smoothly for me?

The wife went to work… the kids had to go to guitar and singing… and the UK clan (who were going to babysit the youngest for us) went to Sydney for the afternoon. Kids finished their lessons at 4:30 p.m…. the wife was expecting to arrive at the train station at 5:45 p.m…. the UK clan were lord knows where… and the dinner was slated for a 6:00 p.m. start.

At 5:45 p.m. we were still running around like headless chickens… in my case after a shave so close that it was almost literal! No sign of the UK clan. We get a phone call that tells us the UK people are lost about 30 mins away. The wife rings to say she’ll be at the station in 10 mins and can I make a start… or shall she stay on and meet me at the *next* station though she might not be there until 6:30 p.m.

I get the daughter to check with her friend that the start *is* 6:00 p.m. not 6:30 p.m. in the vain hope I had the times wrong.

Of course that was far too much to hope for… 6:00 p.m. is when dinner was due to be served.

Oh joy – it’s already 5:45 p.m. and we are only just exiting the house to go get the wife from the train… which is a 20 minute journey under optimum conditions. This being the ‘rush hour’ means these are *not* ‘optimum conditions’.

Panic sets in. This is *the* most important night of my daughters school life so far and I’m rapidly approaching the level of ‘blown it’. In desperation I chuck *both* kids in the car intending that we collect the wife, start back towards the hotel where the function is to be held… and on the way we would ring a friend to ask *them* to babysit the youngest so we can dump her and carry on to the dinner.

Naturally… we get no answer. The entire family has gone out somewhere. Can I find her *mobile* number? Well no… because my phone decided right *now* at the most inopportune moment possible it would not allow me to see *any* contacts below ‘A’. Since the friends surname is Azzapardi you’d think we’d have been ok – yes? Bzzz… wrong. I’d stored it under her *Christian* name.

By now I’m almost doing a ‘John Cleese’ and yelling at anything animate or inanimate in frustration. That helps immensely as you’ll imagine.

I collect the wife… she also rings. Still no answer. We are now forced to go back home… because of course, in the interim the UK clan has arrived home, called me, and asked if would we be coming back to drop the little one off. I’m in a foul mood… so I say no we will not… we’re too far away now for that and ring off. You notice the slight mistake I made? We had nowhere to take the youngest *except* back home so muttering imprecations and curses under my breath… we set off on the 20 minute journey back to the house.

At 6:30 p.m. we eventually arrive back at the homestead (*already* 30 mins late) and drop off the youngest. Within seconds we are at last heading off towards the dinner.

Surely nothing else could go wrong?

Well ok, actually nothing else did go wrong; we found the hotel, raced into the car park… up the stairs… located the room and checked our places on the seating plan. We’ve arrived… an hour late.

Being an *hour* late, of course means that *everyone* else (parents, children and staff… ) has already been seated.

We look for our table.

As you’d expect, from someone who’s life is played out like a sit-com, we are seated way over to the right… at the far end of the room diagonally across, and as long a distance as possible from where we enter.

We skulk across trying to pretend we’re not there… which is *not* easy when you are wearing a bright red jacket… as I was.

Also, of course, I’m still 120 kilos and trust me it is *not* easy to skulk when you weigh 120 kilos… and are wearing a bright red jacket. Why did I wear it? Well the invitation said clothes should be ‘smart casual’ and this is all I could fit into. Buy more?? Are you mad?? More on that later.

Talking of ‘more later’, as you’ll guess this is just a short overview of the calamities that befell us before we even set foot in the hotel. You might *also* guess… bearing in mind who’s blog you’re reading… that bad as this appears… from here on in it could only get worse. In fact this was almost the high point of the evening!!

We will now take a short intermission – Stage 2 of the disaster epic will follow shortly.